Back from Uganda...

I was definitely nervous leaving Uganda and returning home to a culture and world I have always known but that seemed so very different now. I had questions flying through my head like: would I still be my old self around my family and friends or would they think I had changed? What would I do without a job, place to live, or definite direction? How could I explain how I was feeling about the past year and what I felt God was telling me to explore for my future? It was all overwhelming because I didn’t have any clear answers to the questions I knew I would get. I walked off the plane, went through customs, and was greeted by four friends, smiling and holding signs…and I cried. I was so happy to be home and yet seeing everyone made it official that I was so far away from Uganda and my other life I had fallen in love with.

It’s been almost a month now since I have been back in the US and I can say I finally feel like I am beginning to readjust to life here. The first two weeks I was in complete denial that I was home. I didn’t even unpack my suitcase. I didn’t want to admit that things were changing. In all honesty I would wake up each morning hoping that I somehow was back in my small bed, under my mosquito net in the cottage just down the road from 62 of the most wonderful kids in the world. I miss hugging baby Peter, playing cards with Judith and Christine, and kicking around the soccer ball with the boys. I miss the sounds in the morning, the dusty roads, crazy taxi park, and all the relationships I had developed over the past year.

My last few months in Uganda were some of the toughest times for me as I began to think and pray about what comes next. On many occasions during my prayer time I felt like I was wrestling with God…struggling to hear him or maybe even to obey what it was he was whispering into my heart. I would sit and pray that God would clearly show me direction for the next steps in my life. I wanted to know where he wanted me – Africa or the US? A part of me wanted to come back to Africa but the other larger part of me was scared about what life would look life if I said yes to coming back full time. In my mind saying yes to being a long term missionary means saying you are giving up the right to having a warm shower whenever you want one, to making money and being able to afford to buy things when you want them, to being far away from family and friends and only seeing them for short periods of time, and to that sense of belonging in your own culture. All of these things and so many other thoughts had me almost scared of saying yes to coming back to Africa.

But then I read this awesome prayer in one of my daily devotionals that said, “Father God, may the choices I make be the ones following your will for my life. As you direct according to your word and character, and as I follow, may I not look back and grieve what I left behind. Help us to listen and obey. Amen.” And there was the answer for me. My choices needed to follow God’s will and I needed to listen and obey. But most of all I needed to not grieve what he was asking me to leave behind. God was asking me to give up whatever conviences I had placed higher than Him and give it over to Him knowing whatever it is I am giving up can’t compare to the awesomeness we are all going to experience in eternity with the creator of the world. So if God wants to use these short few years I am on earth and make me a little uncomfortable…so be it. Our life here on earth is like a blink of an eye to God. I can so clearly remember giving my life to Christ more than 4 years ago and it has always been my prayer that God would use me for his glory. I want to live a life that is passionate about God, his people, and his desire that all should come to a saving knowledge of who he is and how he sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins to offer us a way to salvation.

I don’t find it easy, and definitely didn’t find it easy at the time in that small room in Uganda, to say yes to God but I’m glad I did. Just like preparing to come to Uganda more than a year ago it seems that once I made a decision I had so much peace about it. It was a struggle right up to that point and then taking the step out of the boat just confirmed that this was where God wanted me to go. So now I am pursuing a longer term commitment with Africa Inland Mission to join one of their two-year TIMO (Training in Ministry Outreach) teams in 2010. I desire to make God known to the world, especially to those who have never had the chance to hear the gospel…to reach the unreached. My heart really is for people and sharing the hope and salvation I have found through Christ Jesus. And my heart, for whatever reason, is stuck in Africa and Lord willing I hope to go back.

So for this next year I am going to pursue earning a Bible Certificate at Columbia International University. I have two reasons for going to school: (1) In order to serve long term with AIM (and most other mission agencies) you need 30 credits of Bible classes. And since this is where I feel like I am headed I thought I could use this year before I head back to Africa to earn these credits. (2) I want to learn more. I want to learn how to be more effective in discipleship and evangelism and I want to learn more about God, his character and how to share the gospel.

And although I have a long term goal of getting back to Africa in 2010 I struggle every day with knowing what I should be doing, where I should be living and what job I should have for now until school starts. These are all details I know God is taking care of and I am trusting and praying that I will end up exactly where he wants me and can use me best.