A Test

I was put to the test this week. I got a phone call at 9:30pm on Tuesday night from the states saying I was out of money in my account and I would have to either contact my supporters for more funds or come home. Now this came as a complete shock considering I was over supported before I even stepped foot in Africa. And my first reaction to this news was outright indignation. Part of me was upset because I would have to approach people who already gave so much but the other part of me was just angry. I was angry because the budgeting was never clearly explained to me and how I thought my money was being managed was not the case. I was led to believe that there were two accounts: one account had my monthly living allowance and the other had my “work funds” which was any money raised over the needed support money. So every time I asked for my work funds balance to see how much I could give to Dwelling Places I was really getting the balance of all my money. Well I spent it all – gave every last penny away to Dwelling Places…all the while thinking I still had my monthly allowance to use for November and December. Um not so much.

So I am on the phone with the office in the US and at one point I can hear my voice getting raised and me getting stubborn and just not polite. I was mad. And as soon as I recognized it I immediately had to apologize to the guy I was speaking to. I felt so ashamed that I had let this situation corrupt my heart. I got off the phone and thought to myself wow that took all of 5 minutes for me to loose sight of God and put my faith in money. And Psalm 139:23-24 came to mind….Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I know God uses every situation to teach us something, to grow our character to become more like his. And I could see that this would be one of those situations. It is by no mistake that I was over supported by almost $7,000 and was now completely out of money. And my reaction was the outpouring of my heart…in a sense it was good to see because it showed me I still have some things to work on. I literally saw my anxious thoughts being played out and my offensive attitude and anger towards someone else.

That night before I went to bed I was thinking about Job. And in the first chapter Satan says “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.” (Job 1:10-11) And as I was praying I just told God I choose Him, that no matter what the outcome would be I would not loose focus on who God is and his faithfulness. I declared to God I would be content in plenty or in want and asked him to show me what he wanted me to do.

So Wednesday morning I went into the office to do some emailing. I emailed the office here in Uganda and asked what their advice to me would be. I knew the money was gone, no matter whose fault it was, I couldn’t make the money reappear. I got a call basically saying they were sorry and wanted to help but that I had to raise the support to be here for Nov-Dec or I would have to return home. I was in a taxi when I got the phone call and when I hung up I just prayed. I asked God to provide. I really felt like I couldn’t email my supporters and ask for more money, especially after being over supported in the first place and I just didn’t feel right about it. I was praying and telling God I had heard of so many stories from other missionaries that they never sent out a prayer letter asking for support but that people just donated. So I told God if he wanted me to be here that he would have to provide. I asked him to place me on someone’s heart to make a donation without me ever having to ask. I prayed that I would not be anxious but rather just give it over to God. So I continued on my way into town with $40 to my name to last me the next two months…haha. I went running with a friend in town and then later that night I got a phone call from a girl in the office here in Uganda saying not to worry I have money in my account for the next two months. Again I was shocked. I asked if they had found money in my account or where the money came from and she just said not to worry that it was all taken care of and the money was there.

I am telling this story because it is an answer to prayer and I want to give God the credit for what he did in less than 48 hours. It’s truly amazing! But I am also telling you this story because I learned so much about the attitude of my heart in the matter of a few hours. It is easy for me to tell people here who are in need that I will pray for them. It’s easy for me to sit with Rita and hear her talk about Dwelling Places and our need for money and offer to pray for her or offer money to meet a certain need. But it has never been personalized until now. I had a glimpse into what Rita must feel when she looks into the account and wonders how she is going to make $40 stretch between 26 staff members to pay salaries? Or how we will be able to afford the food budget for the kids in the home? I also had a glimpse into those dark corners of my heart and it was humbling to see that I still have so much that I need to let God have complete control over and to wash me clean.

God can do abundantly more than all we can ask or even imagine. And yet when I do pray and he hears and answers I am always shocked at his timing and awesomeness.